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hecking personalities
At the core of Eliot's personality is his decision to have two. Unfiltered, Eliot carried the tremendous burden of 300+ years worth of pristine memories. He was once tired, depressed, and miserable as a result. To cope, Eliot began using his own hypnotism against himself. He cannot completely erase his memories due to being The Living Library, but he will seal them away temporarily. It is the relationship between the resulting two personalities that defines a lot of Eliot's personality and conflicts.
The Human Personality
The Human Personality
Let's begin with Eliot's preferred personality, and the one he will primarily show In Game. "Human" Eliot is a carefree and ditzy airhead. He may retain his practical knowledge (he can math and play instruments,) but he forgets anything "harmful." In particular, Eliot knows only a textbook version of history. He does not remember living through it, so he does not remember to be bitter about it.
At first glance, Eliot is an idiot. While he tries to portray himself politely, Eliot wears his emotions plainly on his sleeves. He tends to emote loudly, making his mood easier to read that a moodring. This can lead to him seeming childish and immature, and is unhelped by how innocent he appears. It is quite easy to trick Eliot for the first time, because he actively chooses to trust.
But "actively choosing" is the key factor here. Even in ditz mode, Eliot does choose to be happy. He can never erase his human memories and can never truly escape his past: He can only make it easier to bear.
Actively choosing means that Eliot is filtering which emotions he shows. While he seems like he has no control over his outbursts, Eliot is actually curating every one of his responses. He chooses to be loudly happy, because he likes to be happy. He chooses to throw a tantrum, because he is sincerely angry and wants it known.
Likewise, Eliot chooses which emotions to hide. You may catch him comically crying over spilled milk, but you won't as easily catch him crying over heartbreak. He doesn't mind being upset in the moment, but he won't indulge in emotions that will have lasting consequences. The difference between what he shows and what he hides is a question of "will this still hurt tomorrow?" If a feeling might taint a relationship or spoil a memory, Eliot will try to ignore it. And when he can't ignore it anymore, he will literally erase it with his pocket watch. This coping mechanism isn't healthy, but the "human Eliot" personality was never a healthy coping mechanism to begin with. He does not see erasing unpleasant feelings as bad, because erasing unpleasantness is his entire survival strategy.
The Vampire Personality
At first glance, Eliot is an idiot. While he tries to portray himself politely, Eliot wears his emotions plainly on his sleeves. He tends to emote loudly, making his mood easier to read that a moodring. This can lead to him seeming childish and immature, and is unhelped by how innocent he appears. It is quite easy to trick Eliot for the first time, because he actively chooses to trust.
But "actively choosing" is the key factor here. Even in ditz mode, Eliot does choose to be happy. He can never erase his human memories and can never truly escape his past: He can only make it easier to bear.
Actively choosing means that Eliot is filtering which emotions he shows. While he seems like he has no control over his outbursts, Eliot is actually curating every one of his responses. He chooses to be loudly happy, because he likes to be happy. He chooses to throw a tantrum, because he is sincerely angry and wants it known.
Likewise, Eliot chooses which emotions to hide. You may catch him comically crying over spilled milk, but you won't as easily catch him crying over heartbreak. He doesn't mind being upset in the moment, but he won't indulge in emotions that will have lasting consequences. The difference between what he shows and what he hides is a question of "will this still hurt tomorrow?" If a feeling might taint a relationship or spoil a memory, Eliot will try to ignore it. And when he can't ignore it anymore, he will literally erase it with his pocket watch. This coping mechanism isn't healthy, but the "human Eliot" personality was never a healthy coping mechanism to begin with. He does not see erasing unpleasant feelings as bad, because erasing unpleasantness is his entire survival strategy.
The Vampire Personality
In contrast, there is "vampire Eliot." This is Eliot's unfiltered personality, who cannot guard himself from his memories. Those memories have made Eliot bitter and resentful. When he is "vampire Eliot," he comes off as grouchy and rude. But despite this slightly darker personality, he retains his optimistic core. It's that optimistic desire to live and love that drove him to create the split personality method at all.
Firstly, it's worth noting why Eliot chose to erase his 'true' personality. Eliot has seen humanity make the same mistakes over and over, and he began to logically lose faith in the world. He saw so much suffering and hate and disagreed with all of it, but saw no way to change it. It became tiring to live day to day when he knew of so many reasons to mistrust society.
Added to this was how Eliot felt like he was losing his humanity. As time went on, he began to see humans as lesser than him. He lost respect for their short and foolish lives, because his was so long. Eliot realized that he was becoming an arrogant immortal. As a former human himself, Eliot has an ingrained hatred for immortals. To see himself becoming what he hated filled Eliot with depression and self-loathing.
And at his core, Eliot was still an optimistic human. Despite knowing so many reasons not to love the world and humans, Eliot wanted to love them. That is why he erased his memories: To save his optimism and humanity, which he believed his immortal memories were threatening. This is also why Eliot himself labels the personalities "human" and "vampire."
However, his 'true' personality is more human that he gives himself credit for. He is an empathetic person, whose many memories make it impossible not to empathize with nearly every person that he meets. Eliot knows what hatred does to people, so tries to be understanding and unbiased. He knows what ignorance can do, so tries to learn about those around him. But he's also exhausted from putting forth so much effort and receiving such little in return.
His vampire personality also emotes differently from human Eliot. Whereas his human self filters his feelings, vampire Eliot is too tired. He can't erase feelings with his pocket watch, so he expresses them bluntly. Sometimes he will 'wake up' with emotions his other self erased too, which cause him to have seemingly random outbursts. Though he knows it is wrong, vampire Eliot will also carry petty grudges and have moments where he just doesn't care enough to be polite.
He's also real tired. He almost always has a headache when he first wakes up, so a newly awakened vampire Eliot is not someone to mess with. Eliot is especially rude and snappy when he just woke up.
A Living LibraryFirstly, it's worth noting why Eliot chose to erase his 'true' personality. Eliot has seen humanity make the same mistakes over and over, and he began to logically lose faith in the world. He saw so much suffering and hate and disagreed with all of it, but saw no way to change it. It became tiring to live day to day when he knew of so many reasons to mistrust society.
Added to this was how Eliot felt like he was losing his humanity. As time went on, he began to see humans as lesser than him. He lost respect for their short and foolish lives, because his was so long. Eliot realized that he was becoming an arrogant immortal. As a former human himself, Eliot has an ingrained hatred for immortals. To see himself becoming what he hated filled Eliot with depression and self-loathing.
And at his core, Eliot was still an optimistic human. Despite knowing so many reasons not to love the world and humans, Eliot wanted to love them. That is why he erased his memories: To save his optimism and humanity, which he believed his immortal memories were threatening. This is also why Eliot himself labels the personalities "human" and "vampire."
However, his 'true' personality is more human that he gives himself credit for. He is an empathetic person, whose many memories make it impossible not to empathize with nearly every person that he meets. Eliot knows what hatred does to people, so tries to be understanding and unbiased. He knows what ignorance can do, so tries to learn about those around him. But he's also exhausted from putting forth so much effort and receiving such little in return.
His vampire personality also emotes differently from human Eliot. Whereas his human self filters his feelings, vampire Eliot is too tired. He can't erase feelings with his pocket watch, so he expresses them bluntly. Sometimes he will 'wake up' with emotions his other self erased too, which cause him to have seemingly random outbursts. Though he knows it is wrong, vampire Eliot will also carry petty grudges and have moments where he just doesn't care enough to be polite.
He's also real tired. He almost always has a headache when he first wakes up, so a newly awakened vampire Eliot is not someone to mess with. Eliot is especially rude and snappy when he just woke up.
Tying both of these personalities together is the reason he can't straight up erase his memories: Eliot is the last remaining Living Library. This job entails memorizing and reciting all history, so his memory is very valuable. This job was also the reason that Eliot ever became a vampire and it justifies his entire existence.
Whether he is human or vampire, Eliot is burdened by this title.
For starters, Eliot is always an observer. He tries not to interfere with the world, but only to record its history. This can make him come off as distant, but rarely uncaring. Eliot may not directly help with a problem, but he will offer advice and materials so that others can solve their own problems. He helicopter moms around his friends, but rarely makes a landing.
This aspect of him is changing. At his current canon point, Eliot has made a very nosy friend in Ophelia and she has been getting into EVERYONE'S business. As a result, Eliot has been forced to engage more actively in events as he is constantly helping Ophelia help others. He's also finding that if he cares too much, it gets harder to be a mere observer. At his current point, Eliot may experiment with more assertive attempts to help. But it is a work in progress: Without Ophelia to spearhead the endeavor, he quickly gives up and retreats to his comfortable observer position.
Eliot is also timid and submissive. His entire life has been spent under the thumb of authority. As a Living Library, Eliot was treated as less than his fellow immortals. He existed to serve them. Everything he does with his life is in service of his job. Even his hobbies, like painting and playing music, were developed so he could record art and music. Eliot rarely self-expresses with his own original thoughts or creations, because he is not important. He is an observer to a more important history, carved by people more valuable than himself. And after 300 years of this being his only constant, Eliot can't easily shake the idea of his life holding less value than others.
He comes off as weak-willed and meek as a result. Eliot has trouble expressing his own opinions and feels guilty for having them. He does not want to taint his memorized histories with his own feelings. And yet, he values the feelings and opinions of others: Because theirs are valuable components in changing the world.
Further enforcing Eliot's negative self-image is how he has been forced to be weak. He is purposefully starved by other immortals, because Eliot has a lot of potential. He is made to be an anemic vampire with less physical strength than even a human. Eliot cannot resist his mistreatment, so tends to give up quickly. It's tiring to fight back. He won't win. So why bother?
Again, this is a trait being changed by Ophelia. She is a confrontational person who drags Eliot along with her. Due to her influence, Eliot has changed aspects of his own life. Ophelia keeps him fed, for example, and starts fights with those who hurt him. Even without her by his side, Eliot is now more willing to stick up for himself. It's just very hard. He'll likely crumble without someone to support him, but he will at least make an initial effort.
Lastly, there is the guilt. Eliot's long life is built on a foundation of blood. He has fed on humans and even killed them in order to survive. Throughout his long life, Eliot has had romances and friendships that were severed by his immortality. He views himself as someone who takes from others, but is unable to give. He is, after all, an observer. So to make up for all of his taking, Eliot puts a ton of stock in being a Living Library. Something that is slightly unfortunate in a digital age, where his job is becoming less and less valuable.
When Eliot is feeling down about himself, he'll run off to memorize a new book or pester people for an oral history to memorize. He needs to be useful, or all of the lives he has ruined were wrecked for nothing. And secretly, Eliot does enjoy his job. It lets him be close to his favorite things: Art and History. Eliot is especially attached to art and how it relates to his own immortality. If he asks you to paint him a picture or write him a song, it's because Eliot wants you in his life forever. He may be an immortal oscar the grouch sometimes, but he wants to the mortal moments to last.
Whether he is human or vampire, Eliot is burdened by this title.
For starters, Eliot is always an observer. He tries not to interfere with the world, but only to record its history. This can make him come off as distant, but rarely uncaring. Eliot may not directly help with a problem, but he will offer advice and materials so that others can solve their own problems. He helicopter moms around his friends, but rarely makes a landing.
This aspect of him is changing. At his current canon point, Eliot has made a very nosy friend in Ophelia and she has been getting into EVERYONE'S business. As a result, Eliot has been forced to engage more actively in events as he is constantly helping Ophelia help others. He's also finding that if he cares too much, it gets harder to be a mere observer. At his current point, Eliot may experiment with more assertive attempts to help. But it is a work in progress: Without Ophelia to spearhead the endeavor, he quickly gives up and retreats to his comfortable observer position.
Eliot is also timid and submissive. His entire life has been spent under the thumb of authority. As a Living Library, Eliot was treated as less than his fellow immortals. He existed to serve them. Everything he does with his life is in service of his job. Even his hobbies, like painting and playing music, were developed so he could record art and music. Eliot rarely self-expresses with his own original thoughts or creations, because he is not important. He is an observer to a more important history, carved by people more valuable than himself. And after 300 years of this being his only constant, Eliot can't easily shake the idea of his life holding less value than others.
He comes off as weak-willed and meek as a result. Eliot has trouble expressing his own opinions and feels guilty for having them. He does not want to taint his memorized histories with his own feelings. And yet, he values the feelings and opinions of others: Because theirs are valuable components in changing the world.
Further enforcing Eliot's negative self-image is how he has been forced to be weak. He is purposefully starved by other immortals, because Eliot has a lot of potential. He is made to be an anemic vampire with less physical strength than even a human. Eliot cannot resist his mistreatment, so tends to give up quickly. It's tiring to fight back. He won't win. So why bother?
Again, this is a trait being changed by Ophelia. She is a confrontational person who drags Eliot along with her. Due to her influence, Eliot has changed aspects of his own life. Ophelia keeps him fed, for example, and starts fights with those who hurt him. Even without her by his side, Eliot is now more willing to stick up for himself. It's just very hard. He'll likely crumble without someone to support him, but he will at least make an initial effort.
Lastly, there is the guilt. Eliot's long life is built on a foundation of blood. He has fed on humans and even killed them in order to survive. Throughout his long life, Eliot has had romances and friendships that were severed by his immortality. He views himself as someone who takes from others, but is unable to give. He is, after all, an observer. So to make up for all of his taking, Eliot puts a ton of stock in being a Living Library. Something that is slightly unfortunate in a digital age, where his job is becoming less and less valuable.
When Eliot is feeling down about himself, he'll run off to memorize a new book or pester people for an oral history to memorize. He needs to be useful, or all of the lives he has ruined were wrecked for nothing. And secretly, Eliot does enjoy his job. It lets him be close to his favorite things: Art and History. Eliot is especially attached to art and how it relates to his own immortality. If he asks you to paint him a picture or write him a song, it's because Eliot wants you in his life forever. He may be an immortal oscar the grouch sometimes, but he wants to the mortal moments to last.